Sage advice

"sage advice"

I was in the bathroom of a deli
standing at the urinal
reading the trap...

what I mean is
there is a plastic cover
over the urinal drain
to keep out - I don't know
napkins or hamburger buns or something
and this one had a message on it

it is weird enough
to be a company that makes
urinal traps
but to print your name
and phone number on them
I don't understand that

if I was in need of a urinal trap
I would look in the phonebook
or on the internet
I would not think,
"what was that number
I was pissing on last week..."

but there I was
pissing on the name of the fine company
that protects California's urinal drains
I almost felt sorry for them
but this trap wasn't satisfied to advertise only itself
it also had an important message for me:

just say no to drugs

I found that somewhat odd advice
to be getting from a deli toilet
but what do I know
it may be a terribly effective anti-narcotic tool

of course if you are at a place in your life
where you are making decisions
based on the messages you get from toilets
you may have bigger problems
than just the drugs you are taking

if it hadn't been
well
a urinal trap
I would have stolen it
and propped it up on my window sill

mainly to have proof of its existence
but also to remind me
to stay away from the kind of drugs
that urinal trap makers
seem to be taking

I originally read this on the livejournal of ona-k (I then spent five years wondering where I'd seen it, until Rebecca Bowen used ninja-like websearch skills to find it). ona-k cited it only via a URL which no longer contains the text. If you know the author, please mail me at dank@qemfd.net