The DNA Power Hour with Pa Dank: Difference between revisions
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'''[[Dankblog|dankblog!]] 2022-06-26, 0801 EDT, at [[Viewpoint|the danktower]]''' | |||
i wish Pa Dank had lived to see me learn to build shit. the man could build just about anything, all self-taught, operating a lathe or a table saw or a nail gun with finesse and élan. he'd do some work in exchange for lumber, and two weeks later there would be a new room on the house. | i wish Pa Dank had lived to see me learn to build shit. the man could build just about anything, all self-taught, operating a lathe or a table saw or a nail gun with finesse and élan. he'd do some work in exchange for lumber, and two weeks later there would be a new room on the house. | ||
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Pa Dank chewed his lebanon balogna, white bread, and cheddar. he ruminated. "i built your ass with DNA. go mow the lawn." | Pa Dank chewed his lebanon balogna, white bread, and cheddar. he ruminated. "i built your ass with DNA. go mow the lawn." | ||
horror! | horror! "are we then so vain? must we work against nature's natural order? we meaning myself, of course, as no other members of this pentad are cursed to push that thrice-damned mower around our hilly acre, our small chunk of Woodstock. why load up the Dodge Caravan each Sabbath if, when presented with God's great verdant bounty, we cry 'Hold! Too much!'? this despite being drafted, dare i say impressed, into sod-laying duties in recent memory. can we not pick a lane? more grass, less grass, what is it to be? to what knuckle-dragging mongoloids of this heartland utopia do we hope to prove ourselves via this weekly ordeal? and what is it we prove?" i assumed the cruciform position. | ||
he finished his sandwich. "it's just getting hotter while you bitch." | he finished his sandwich. "it's just getting hotter while you bitch." | ||
i lurched unhappily towards the garage. "will this be the weekend | i lurched unhappily towards the garage. "will this be the weekend scion Nicky is taken with heat stroke to some young people's Valhalla? drawing a Cartesian plot, we can graph as a function of time the IQ points i lose breathing this machine's hydrocarbons and volatile compounds. alas! zorn!" | ||
"i thought you wanted to build with atoms. hydrocarbons are atoms, aren't they?" | "i thought you wanted to build with atoms. hydrocarbons are atoms, aren't they?" | ||
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but now i build all kinds of shit, and it would please him to know it. anyway, i am consumed of late with a powerful urge to build a deck. if you need a deck built, and are willing to waive all liability, and will feed me skittles and bong hits, let's talk. | but now i build all kinds of shit, and it would please him to know it. anyway, i am consumed of late with a powerful urge to build a deck. if you need a deck built, and are willing to waive all liability, and will feed me skittles and bong hits, let's talk. | ||
'''previously: "[[SCOTUS_headcanon|SCOTUS headcanon]]" 2022-06-14''' | |||
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